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♔ Saturday, March 13, 2010
10:20 PM |
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i can't take it anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!! =( =( =( =(
be nice and dun ask me why. i might break down. hahas. just let me be bah. i just can't control that surge of sadness which keeps flowing into me everyday every moment!!!!!!! i tried all sorts of ways, including deluding myself. but it's still there. argh. everything will be alright. it will be. it must be!!!! after a while, it wun hurt as much anymore. natellie is right, it's hurts a lot a lot. now i understand why she is so sad. well, i have to adjust to de circumstance bah. there's no point for me to stay at de original spot. working against de flow is going to make me feel even worse. i have to uproot myself and stop growing roots!! argh. hate to feel attached to ppl, will have withdrawal sadness. is like i am so used to having zhu li to talk to, now i dun have with me le =(
not that we can't sms, but everything isn't de same anymore.
that day my friend was telling me that she dun deserve to rest. i was like being super positive as usual and tried to convince her that she is wrong. but come to think abt it, i kind of got convinced by her :X but i still need de rest lar, hehe. but i always have that kind of thinkings too, subconsciously. that's why i treasure everything. de ppl in my primary school taught me that i dun deserve to have friends. and now i treasure everyone around me, because i keep thinking of what happened.
anywayys, sad things aside. it;s not going to help me anywayys. hahas.
went to dinner at a reallie CMI hawker centre. insects are dropping from de sky. reallie omg. dunno why they come from. haha. is like every few secs i see one flying insect on de table, i literally jumped off from my seat. hahas. my brother say i very timid. but seriously, i can't survive with insects. i wun mind you throwing me with a lion or tiger or smth. at least death is quick and fast. insects? omg. creepy crawlies. haha.
my daddy used his hands to catch. then he accidentally touched me. i screamed can!! i was like, OMG. dun touch me!!!!! insects. insects. insects. argh!!!!! i am already traumatised, sad, depressed blah blah enough le, dun disturb me anymore!!!!
hahas. reminds me of my lunch. thanks mr edwin! :D your hushbrown is reallie like de best meal of today? haha. yummy :D haha. anywayys, managed to force down that horrible insect infested meal ( jk jk) , haha. then went to de furniture mall. so glad that i am alive now. hehe. at de furniture store i was like basically stoning O.o then my brother came to entertain me. hehe. seriously if he is less vulgar, less adictive to game, less player, less irritating, etc etc, i think he is a nice brother. as in, well he knows when i am sad and stuff and he always come up with funnie stuffs, just that he always ended up getting scolded by me. haha. my brother is definitely someone who is close to my heart i will say. we always have endless of things to talk abt :D well that's what brothers are for :D
was teaching how to walk and stuffs. i find his poisture an eye sore. reallie. cannot take it. and he cannot take de correct position to walk. hahas. well , me got nth to say abt it :X hehe. but he's reallie vain. never see a guy like him. haha. reallie unmanly. rofl! sometimes i quite pity him lar, like so small size and stuffs. haha.
my mommy bought a lamp. i was like O.o okayys. not my business so dun ask me carry it :X hehe. we got two guys in de family. they shld show us what they are capable off :D plus hmmm, i need to preserve my energy for de next two years :D
haha, i miss my guitar :X hehe. i dunno nerh. i never like gu zheng as much as i like guitar. haha. dunno why. :X is like for gu zheng, i can never stay on beat, but for guitar, i can. and is like, when having an ensemble with de guzheng, i never smile when i'm playing. but when having a guitar ensemble, no matter how sad i am, i will smile automatically. haha. i just like guitar. that explains why my mother used to be so jealous of my guitar instructor because i like guitar more than i like anything else. hehe. and i begining to like doreamon song :D
is like that day i was practising with mei lan, we keep pestering louis to play use our guitar to play :X hehe. so fun :D but he's seriously pro lor. he and hung and pei de, 3 pro ppl :D louis taught me that song named " start" , but i can't rmb le. hehe. i need de scores!!! ARGH! can't find T.T hung even flew his guitar here all de way from his hometown. oh my god. reallie pro.
and one more thing abt guitar, it's so portable!!!! omg. i reallie hate those days when i have to carry that bulky gz and face those trios. rofl. hmmm PHS concert clash with my school's concert. kind of glad :X hahas. i reallie dun want to see lin lao shi again. she is like de darkest moment of my PHS life. everything started because of gu zheng. reallie.
but i reallie need a hug now. haha. a reaffirmation that everything will be alright. but reality tells me that reality wun change just because of me. but i have to change because of reality. argh. how great.
